The way I feel at the moment

Well I guess this needs a little prologue, so here it is. I am stuck totally in a rut of nothing in life, I want to achieve so much more get a new job etc. The one thing I need to change beyond all others is my terminal singledom, I have great freinds all of whom are settled, don't get me wrong I have some aquaintances, I can stand around in the pub drinking with, but at the end of the day I'm 32 and I should be doing more constructive things with my time. I have been single since December 06 that's knocking on four tragically empty years, I'd had my heart torn out in the September of that year, by the upto that point love of my life. After Trish she told lie after lie and cheated a few times, I'll use real names, I met Georgina who was so damn good for me, but due to me being an insecure moron she ended it. All I have to say is fair play to her on that. Every other girlfreind has tended when lookin back, to have used me in games with thier exes, which is great for self esteem not. But anyway back to the point at hand, I seem to have started this new decade as I started the last TERMINALLY SINGLE. Anyways I wrote a poem below, that ten years later i'm still emotionally living through. It's written in the hi-coup non rhyming style enjoy

Grounded feet on my little island

Am I so disgusting or hideous, that even worms disdain of me. Am I to be allowed no love, and in which case, will those who have it ridicule me.
And will the tide not turn in my favour, I'm guessing that they will, heap upon me a thousand fathoms of pain, to which I cry, am I the chosen martyr, for all our earths ills.
Then I have to ready myself, for not one but many a day of attonement, and steady my already sunken ship. Long ago scuttled on the island shores, of loneliness, of which I have no choice to call home.
Everyday a journey to a realised end, that is so very solitary of confinement.
My world is my own and I'm alone, and that's not how I want it to be. It's like I'm stranded in a crowd of millions, trapped in sacrificial singledom. But it's my job I guess, to be the odd number in life, and solemnly I accept it.
Was my creation and life, so malevolent and ill judged, I seem to think so. Because against all the usual, hope that everyone else has, I'm not allowed to feel the everything they share.
So I'll remain on my little island, looking for the faint light of rescue, and make the best of my worst situation, make believing, one day, that everything comes good.


The Fortress of Solitude

Location:Grimsby, England